jigglephysics | THE CHRISTENING

[ IF YOU CANT TAKE THE HEAT

GET OUT OF THE TITAN

or lay out behind the stables in the shade and stare at the sky, hoping for a more merciful death than this. that's eren's ultimate choice in this situation. ]

Hey, Eren.

( ughhhhhhhhh it's hoooooooot even levi's like uniform jacket?? what's that??? hahaha???? if he were a lesser man, he would be a cranky fucking toddler, but as it is, he has far more pressing issues to attend to than trying not to go insane as he sweats to death.

he is holding...kitties!! four squirming little kittens in his arms!! awww... they're kind of dirty and look thirsty and hungry and like they're hating life a lot right now too. some jackass in their squad who will go unnamed (partially because i can't decide on a canon point and because i'm nowhere near caught up) must have left them in the squad's meeting room or something, because that's where he found them and he may be a hardass, but he's not going to fucking like. leave a bunch of baby cats to dehydrate and die in his fuckin board room, he's not a sociopath.

eren is the only person he could find so levi decided that his day isn't the only one that's getting ruined. )

Help me find a basket and some bowls.

( :/ )

[ god, is that you

no it's just fuckin levis short ass standing over him--

wait captain levi? oh no, and here he is, strewn out on his back like a useless piece of shit when he probably had chores or something he completely forgot about when his shirt stopped being tolerable.

eren startles and rolls over immediately, trying to peel himself off the grass. he again looks at levi and notices the balls of fluff and looks startled by them. what the hell are cats doing out here? and just babies?

he goes to ask a logical question, but instead his brains have leaked out of his fuckin nose or something because he hears himself ask-- ]

W-We're not gonna cook them, are we?

[ and then those words are out there and eren just lets himself collapse back on the ground and lays his head on the grass, face-down. They don't have meat! It's... not far fetched people probably eat whatever they can get their hands on in the boonies but.

Fuck. Just stomp his skull already, Levi, save him from himself and his nasty humidity. ]

( wow. while eren has his little teenage tittyfit, levi just stares down at him with a mildly judgmental gaze as if wordlessly asking what the fuck is wrong with him. did eren seriously ask that?? yes. yes he did. levi can't say he's ever heard of eating fucking kittens, even in the slums, but he's too hot and sweaty and disgusting to think about it too much.

still. he watches eren with a critical expression, before giving his head the faintest of judgmental shakes as he says in a judgmental tone that's so judgmental, even regina george would feel bad being at the receiving end of such judgment. )

...No.

( as he jostles one of the little monsters, the one teething on his poor cravet-- )

Someone left them in the meeting room. They're going to get sick and die in this heat, so let's get them some water. Unless you feel like dealing with dead baby cat carcasses.

( he isn't sure if he was trying to be funny, he...doesn't know...much of anything right now...it's too hot to think too hard... )

[ if u cant take the teenage tittyfit get out of the teenager

wait

anyway, eren concedes to the fact that levi isn't going to free him from this exhausting, ass crack soaking heat like the merciful and benevolent ruler he thought him to be when he was a stupid 7 year old and is instead enlisting him in a kitten rescue.

he's gotten worse tasks, why not. he starts to pick himself off the ground and dust himself off, thinking of a good spot to put the bowls so they can keep the kittens somewhere inside and safe. ]

No, not really. I'm sure there's a basket in the stables. I'll go look, I guess.

[ not like levi can root around with an arm full of kittens. he starts making his way around the stable, hoping to snag a blanket, too. ]

( it's too hot to be in any teenagers and taking their tittyfits but maybe later tonight if eren isn't an accomplice in letting these kittens die. until then, he's following after eren with light footsteps, a little too preoccupied with a particular little whiner who keeps trying to climb onto levi's shoulder. he's trying to shrug the little bastard down but it's just not happening. )

Try to find something before this one here eats my face.

( it has resorted to chewing on his hair...i don't know why cats do this and neither does levi. he feels so gross, there is sweat and fur and kitten spit all over him and he just. wants to die. at least titans gobble you up in one big bite, assuming they catch you. this little shitlords are killing him slowly, softly, methodically........ )

[Getting caught on stable duty sucks, especially in this heat. What is it about warm weather that makes horses shit more than usual? It's uncanny.]

[It's even worse knowing that Eren is laying out there behind the stables, doing jack shit while Jean busts his ass. However, all that time brooding gives him time to think of a plan. Once all the horses are taken care of (because while he's a jerk, he's not going to let animals go hungry or without water for the sake of shenanigans), Jean sneaks out behind the barn, a bucket of warm water in one hand. He creeps around the edge until he can see Eren, and waits for it... waaaaaits for it...]

[A veritable wave of water comes crashing down from around the corner, aimed directly at Eren's face. Take that, you lazy fuck, and serves you right.]

[ You know, he should have expected this. He should have seen this coming. Why wouldn't Jean go ahead and pull this kind of shit? Can't he let Eren lay there, continuing to call on the universe to put him out of his miserable, sweaty, sweaty life?

But he didn't. The water hits him and he feels as if he's been doused in soup. It nearly turns his stomach with how gross it felt in this heat. If it'd been cool, he'd probably have thanked him, but now he's just sopping with water as well as sweat with even less relief.

He snaps his wide eyes open, looking over at Jean wildly for a long, quiet moment before he springs to his feet and charges at him, ready to knock his lights out. ]

[Clearly no. The universe knows that Jean has dibs on ending Eren's sweaty little life, and dammit, dibs are a sacred thing.]

[Jean brays loud, obnoxious laughter at the look on Eren's face, and is already off and running by the time Eren gets up and charges him. He's fast, but Eren is fast too, and if he's going to keep ahead of him, he needs a fair head start.]

Gods Eren, you're sweating like Bertolt, what the fuck?

[ illumi probably put killua in an oven as a baby or something so.

whatever.

He's fine. Sweaty, but fine. Probably has an ice cream. He wouldn't mind a nice basin of ice water to dunk his head in, though. He won't lie about that. ]

[ Quatre has lived in the desert and flown into the sun so he's doing fine, but given his live of being the palest man alive, he will be sitting under an umbrella on this day he has been forced outside.

If a particularly gregarious pilot decides to invade his space on such a sticky day, he might have to slam him with his bottle of water. ]

[ Maybe it was the fact that Duo had previously been an L2 colony kid with no hope of ever feeling the sun on his skin naturally, but someone's pale, skinny little rear end is quite enjoying the heat. ... Under his own umbrella of course because he doesn't feel the need to enjoy the sun so much he blisters under the intense sunlight. He's about as naked as he can possibly be and still be out in front of people, hands tucked behind his head and just...

Enjoying how awesome life's gotten lately. ]

I feel like a lizard in the heat, this feels so awesome.

I'm kind of surprised you're enjoying it so much. I'd think your hair would make it intolerable out here.

[ Really, even in a braid, he thinks, it would stick to his back or something. Maybe he doesn't understand how long hair works.

Duo might be rectifying it through his near nakedness, but he is pretty much always nearly naked when he can be. ]

It's amazing, how beautiful things can be in summer on Earth, isn't it?

I mean as long as it isn't stickin' to my back or anything .. it's hot but it's not the worst thing. It'd be worse if it wasn't braided and was sticking to me everywhere.. [ He was so used to having that huge mass of hair anything that he wouldn't have noticed the difference. But it's nice to be able to chuck his hair out of the way when need be. ]

It is. It's amazing that it self regulates and these plants just grow by themselves..

Another benefit to your braid, I suppose. As long as you aren't too hot.

[ He doesn't want Duo to overheat. Carrying him back to the car would be... a challenge. ]

And it's all just here. No one put it here. It did it all on its own and it's been that way for millions of years. It's amazing, when you look at this and then look at Mars or the moon. Out of all the planets in the solar system, this one was aligned just perfectly. All of this developed thanks to that.

Nah.. I'd tell you if I was too hot.. For now I'm kinda enjoying baking a little bit.. [ In the way that only a colony kid could enjoy the radiating heat from the sun beating down on him. Hell, if he spent a lot of time on Earth he might end up with a tan or something, which he'd enjoy immensely. ]

Yeah... it's a massive game of chance that ended up kinda paying off, huh? At least for the people that live on Earth, because I dunno if the Earth necessarily won, having to keep all these people and everything. Either way I don't mind the colonies, really, but Earth is just so.. wild and beautiful...

[ he is going to fire whoever authorized this heatwave when he's wearing leather pants. his ass is soaked and his pants might well be melting to this library chair. he is not constructed for this weather anymore. ]

[ Nothing objectively good every happens in her life when she's this hot. She thought being outside in the park would help. But no. She's draped across a cafe table with a glass of water pressed to her head.

Not proper. But now it's survivable. ]

[ Things Captain Isabela is not above: sitting in just more than her small clothes by the dock and greedily taking up all the ocean breezes for herself.

These fools of the land don't know how much the ocean has to give! ]

[Nothing beats a nice mug of ale under the shade. Just sitting, relaxing in the heat under a small tree. A drink in hand, surrounded by nothing.]

[ Yuri's not outlandishly social but since his big, cool guy adventure, he's been better about not being a standoffish wall decoration. It's become interesting to talk to fellow travelers. It helps him bide the time between cities and villages.

This guy seems relaxed, at least. And Yuri's getting thirsty so maybe he can bum some of his ale for his canteen. He approaches from the front, spotting that his fellow dust kicker is armed, and offers a short wave of his hand as a sign of his casual intentions. ]

Looks like you're going up against this heat pretty well.

It's no hotter than holding a fire spear. All you need is a good ale and some shade.

[He smirks at the kid]

Take a seat kid.

[ Hello, here's the Redline champion here, tooling away on a chopper style motorcycle, smoking his cigarette. This was kind of the life, not worrying about his bondsman or cash flow anymore, considering his and Sonoshee's winnings from Redline, and all of the sponsorship offers that kept pouring in for them both.

JP takes a moment to take a drag from his cigarette, and then flips out what appears to be a switchblade but - psyche - it's a comb to make sure that precious signature duck tail of his stays in perfect order. ]

[ No one spots a cool ride faster than Mike Chilton. He has a keen eye for these things. Fast cars and bikes are his one true love in life and this guy has a pretty impressive set of wheels. Cool as always, casual as always, he approaches, looking as friendly as a pup. It's his nature, after all. The most dangerous yet disarming guy around. That's Mike Chilton, the revolutionary punk. ]

You must be able to get some major speed with this thing.

Gonna need Frisbee and the old man to make a few changes on this, now.. [ JP smiles to himself thinking about the kind of powerful ride those two could come up with when it came to a motorcycle. They'd done so well with the Trans-Am, after all, even if they'd bitched at each other about as much as they'd worked on the car. He'd still won, so hey, he'd call it an all around victory.

JP turns, curious to see who he's talking to considering he doesn't recognize the voice, and laughs. ]

Yeah! Some serious speed and serious danger, but hey, no racer likes a ride without danger, right? Still, I think a bigger hover engine would make me pleased as punch with it.. though Sonoshee might not like it as much then.

THE CHRISTENING

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I'm here looking for motor cities...

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