[ having shino here, working with him, is more than he could have ever imagined, let alone asked for. having shino come back battered up but safe is more than he could have ever looked up at the stars shino loves so much and prayed for. this must be the closest thing to happy he's ever been, having so much time to spend with shino like this, learning more about him and seeing all his different colors. yamagi can't help but feel like he's waited for this opportunity for such a long time, the opportunity to have a life spent close to shino, to work alongside him and prove his own worth.
and yet.
there are still unspoken... feelings between them. yamagi doesn't expect shino to reciprocate. he still hasn't said anything, but spending every day with him just makes them stifling, suffocating, harder and harder to bear and keep up with hiding. he can't help but wonder whether or not shino's figured it out yet — they'd been so close when shino had gone on that mission back then, so close that yamagi might have summoned the courage to act had there not been the barrier of helmets between them. since then, though...
well, they hadn't gone drinking like shino promised or even touched the subject, and yamagi had to wonder if what he thought was there might have just been a delusion stemmed from desperation. shino has stopped talking about taking him out to meet girls, though. there's that. progress.
yamagi keeps telling himself he just hasn't found the right moment, but deep down, he knows that's not it. it's just that he still can't be sure it's alright, and he's... still scared. scared that shino won't accept him, or much worse; knowing that he will accept him but nothing more and that it won't be enough for yamagi's selfish heart. he doesn't remember what it's like to not love shino norba with his entire being. there are times his heart feels like it's about to burst.
at the moment, yamagi is hauling boxes, too, a thin sheen of sweat covering his forehead and making stray strands of hair stick to it. shino is better in this particular area. yamagi's shoulders are trembling with effort, but he doesn't need help, he's fine —
and with a startled yelp, yamagi realizes that he's a good three seconds from dropping them and toppling over. he's gotten stronger, but not strong enough to carry a couple of boxes of equipment, apparently. ]
Shino — !
[ his ears are burning with embarrassment before his name even comes out of his mouth, but he's more concerned with the fact that his knees are about to buckle. ]
no subject
and yet.
there are still unspoken... feelings between them. yamagi doesn't expect shino to reciprocate. he still hasn't said anything, but spending every day with him just makes them stifling, suffocating, harder and harder to bear and keep up with hiding. he can't help but wonder whether or not shino's figured it out yet — they'd been so close when shino had gone on that mission back then, so close that yamagi might have summoned the courage to act had there not been the barrier of helmets between them. since then, though...
well, they hadn't gone drinking like shino promised or even touched the subject, and yamagi had to wonder if what he thought was there might have just been a delusion stemmed from desperation. shino has stopped talking about taking him out to meet girls, though. there's that. progress.
yamagi keeps telling himself he just hasn't found the right moment, but deep down, he knows that's not it. it's just that he still can't be sure it's alright, and he's... still scared. scared that shino won't accept him, or much worse; knowing that he will accept him but nothing more and that it won't be enough for yamagi's selfish heart. he doesn't remember what it's like to not love shino norba with his entire being. there are times his heart feels like it's about to burst.
at the moment, yamagi is hauling boxes, too, a thin sheen of sweat covering his forehead and making stray strands of hair stick to it. shino is better in this particular area. yamagi's shoulders are trembling with effort, but he doesn't need help, he's fine —
and with a startled yelp, yamagi realizes that he's a good three seconds from dropping them and toppling over. he's gotten stronger, but not strong enough to carry a couple of boxes of equipment, apparently. ]
Shino — !
[ his ears are burning with embarrassment before his name even comes out of his mouth, but he's more concerned with the fact that his knees are about to buckle. ]